So, here's the other part of the Sunday afternoon with Libby in Blackheath.
The harder part to explain, how it feels to have your photo taken when you're a very reluctant photo subject....
I found this stupidly difficult, harder than it should be to just stand still and have someone take my photo.
I hate photos of me so much - I always look like the gurning idiot with the lazy eye on the edge of group photos. My friends happily post all the photos of me looking like an idiot, probably because there's so few of me looking normal. So every time Libby pointed the camera at me I tensed up and overly considered what my face was probably looking like. I don't like smiling because I think my eyes screw up and look old, but when I don't smile I have a tiny mouth and I look stern and weird. I hate my chin, I have a huge forehead.
Every one of those thoughts was going through my brain constantly. I was trying to compose my face, and I couldn't relax. I was thinking what I looked like through the camera? how was someone else seeing me? how was I being framed? would I just look the same as always?
These thoughts are kind of exhausting.
Libby must have had to throw away 100s of me talking and glaring and frowning and just looking like a nutter. But I think it's really good to understand what it's like to be on the other side of the camera, so I tried really hard to just listen to Libby's sensible, calming advice that my brain was desperately trying to ignore.
I tried not to second guess what my already confused face was looking like, I let myself laugh and try not apologise for it....
Out of all of the photos, I think this is my most favourite, it looks like the version of me that I actually like...
....and whilst I normally fight against looking like my Mum - doesn't every girl hate being told she looks like her mother?!! - I don't think I've ever looked more like her than in this pic on the right.
But I like it, it's like a photo from Mum & Dad's wedding when she was 23, and at nearly 38 I don't really mind looking like my mum in her early 20s. :-)
Did I enjoy having my photo taken?
Yes and no. I'd like to do it again, to see if I learnt.
Do I like the result?
Yes.... mostly, and the problems are with me, not the photos.
Was it a good idea?
Totally, even just for the chatter and the learning and the meeting of a lovely person.
All photos in this post are created by Libby Christensen. Check her out, she's brilliant.